Anybody who really knows me knows my growing-up years were a bit tumultuous. My dad was a troubled alcoholic battling some pretty horrific demons. I was a painfully shy only child who morphed into a painfully shy, self-destructive and severely depressed teenager. I remember writing in my journal around the age of 15 that I absolutely would not make it past the age of 19. I’d planned to end it as soon as I found the courage because if what I’d experienced thus far was “life” why bother living much longer? It was all so terribly sad – how unhappy I was growing up and how little desire I had to be happy. In my defense, I think I just didn’t know how. There was very little happiness in my home, if any, despite my poor mother’s best efforts. (If it weren’t for her, I’m sure I’d be some nameless drug-addicted skeletal woman living in an alley somewhere.)

But I digress. My dad took his own life a week prior to Christmas of 1998 and a few days afterwards, my mom was cleaning out the entertainment center and found a red spiral bound notebook shoved into one of the lower cabinets. Turns out, he’d been keeping a journal for a few months – an extended suicide note, if you will. She’d made photocopied versions for family and a friend or two. She made the mistake of loaning the original notebook to his sister who still has not returned it. So I have one of the photocopied books.

For years, I’ve been wanting to scan all the pages and make something nicer of it. Our relationship was always strained and difficult but I thought he deserved that much at least. I also thought it may be therapeutic and a decent way to end that chapter of my life (no pun intended). Unfortunately, I never felt mentally capable of such an undertaking…until recently. So a few months back I took the first step in scanning all the pages and then, I don’t know…became busy with other things? Forgot? But a few weeks ago I was contacted by a cousin of my dad’s – someone I’ve never known or met and we’ve been talking about our family, all of the tragedies, damage, anguish and I suddenly remembered this was something I never finished. So I set this weekend aside and promised myself I’d get it done. And now it is.

I’m not sure if anyone but me would find this interesting in any way and if not, that’s certainly okay. I didn’t do this for anyone else, after all.

“Average reader will think at this point that I’m asking for faith – nothing could be further from the truth! I ask only for wisdom and the ability to use it – for the future…upon which all depends, without which all is lost.”

To preview and/or purchase the book, click the image above or go here:
http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/2998201
And to read the wonderful writing of Tamara Linse (the cousin I mentioned above) go here:
http://www.tamaralinse.com/

I’m currently working on a new project that I’m mega-excited to share with you all! I’ll refrain from divulging everything about it at this moment but the above images should give you a major clue. I’ll be sending out a newsletter or two between now and when it’s released (which should be soon!) discussing it in more detail for those who are too eager to wait for it to go live to get all the juicy details (as well as be the first to know WHEN it goes live!). So please, if you’re at ALL interested in my photo-editing process subscribe to my mailing list! Use the quick form below or click this link!

I spent a good chunk of today scanning 8+ year old prints for my Beginnings set on Flickr. I shot all of these with my very first Canon SLR. I’d started this more than a year ago and never finished and today was as good of a time as any! My friend Amanda is in 95% of them and though some of them I still consider quite good, there are some that are a bit funny or definitely amateurish – like the one above. Take note of my own feet in the bottom left of the frame. Click on the photo to see more and remember you have to have a Flickr account and turn your “safe-settings” off to view them.

Recently designed a concert poster for my stepdad’s band. More info on them:

Back in the days of Hendrix, Iron Butterfly, Steppenwolf, Black Sabbath, Grand Funk, Yes, and Led Zeppelin, these guys were kids who were writing their own music. Although they were young, these boys were contemporaries with the big bands of the 70s and 80s. C.S. Truckin opened shows for Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow (Deep Purple), REO Speedwagon, Quicksilver Messenger Service, Brian Auger and The Buddy Miles Band (Jimi Hendrix). Fast forward to 2011 and we discover that “The Truck” has re-emerged! Their style is relevant and ranges from pop rock to country crossover. The boys in the band are more talented, more refined and more determined than ever to make the music they so enjoy and share it with the music world. Every Other Tuesday is a FREE concert series, open to the public and sponsored by the Dona Ana Arts Council.

The Moon is a white strange world, great, white, soft-seeming globe in the night sky, and what she actually communicates to me across space I shall never fully know. But the Moon that pulls the tides, and the Moon that controls the menstrual periods of women, and the Moon that touches the lunatics, she is not the mere dead lump of the astronomist. . . . When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness. — D.H. Lawrence, Phoenix: The Posthumous Papers of D.H. Lawrence, pt. 4, 1930.

Since December I’ve been in a funk. A hole, a rut, a slump, a downslide. Gloom. The holidays are typically hard on me anyway for past personal reasons but I can’t shake this feeling of absolute stagnation even now that they’re gone. I feel like some time ago I stopped growing, like I’m no longer moving forward. It feels like I’ve been jogging on a treadmill. I’m perpetually drained of energy but I’m not getting anywhere. I don’t think I mentioned it, but last semester I thought school was the answer to this feeling. It wasn’t and ultimately, I was mostly disappointed in the experience. And my reaction to the experience. It could have been the classes, I’m not sure. It could be that unless at least 8 more hours are added to each day it’ll never work for me because I value my free time so very much. So much that I’d rush through assignments just to get them done, not savoring new knowledge or taking my time to linger, to let it all soak in. And because school and work left me less free time than I was used to I spent absolutely zero time on personal art and projects. And that’s the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen. I had hoped that it would inspire me to create. It didn’t. In fact, the night before one of my finals I went out drinking with a friend and got so trashed I spent that night and the next morning vomiting. I barely made it to my final and managed to ace it anyway. And then was glad to be done.

So I think because I spent all of those months just looking forward to free-time and empty moments, I’m now hungry to create despite the dumps I’m down in. I’m also angry and short-tempered much of the time. Never in a million years would I think I could experience these feelings simultaneously but I am. And I’m still not quite sure what to make of it. I’ve shot and edited more images in the last few weeks than I have in the entire last half of 2011. It’s definitely a good feeling. Hopefully I’ll have enough of them to cancel out the bad ones soon.

The image above is one in a new series I’m calling Distraction. The model is one of my beautiful go-tos here in Springs and the location is an empty house across the street. It belongs to my neighbor who’s been trying to fix it up after his last renters moved out. They basically trashed the place and he’s put in a lot of work to bring it back to good. He was nice enough to let me use it for a little while last weekend. Good locations are so hard to come by, when the opportunity presented itself I couldn’t not take it. Please if you’re aware of any good locations in the Pueblo, Colorado Springs, Denver area (appropriate for nudity, preferably empty or with a vintage feel) email me: rebeccatillett[at]gmail.com. There may even be some prints in it for anyone who suggests or provides a location that works out. I’d definitely appreciate it.

So what do you think of Distraction? I’m thrilled by it.

I’m already posting a second favorite image from my shoot with Amanda but I have a feeling it may be the second of many more. Hopefully you love her as much as I do!
Check out my Flickr for many more just recently posted.

Amanda and I met on the very first day of middle school. We were only 11 years old, both only children without any real friends at this new school and we happened to have the exact same class schedule. Since then we’ve been best friends, we’ve fought, we’ve been there for each other through extremely hard times, we’ve lost touch, we’ve reconnected and ultimately I’ve always loved her very much despite the infrequent turbulence. That’s life after all. Most of my best memories growing up are with her and I’d be lying if I said I’d never repeat my teenage years if I was ever given the chance. Sneaking out of the house, wandering the streets on a warm desert summer night, laughing the entire time – just to acquire a Jones Soda. If only I’d grasped how incredible and fleeting that time was back then.

I can only hope that we might live closer to each other sometime again soon.
(In the meantime, enjoy my favorite image edited thus far. Check my Flickr for the rest in the next few days!)

“In 2009, while going through her family’s storage shed, Rebecca Tillett came across some old photographs and posted them on Flickr. Who knew they would catch our editors’ eyes?”

My great-grandparent’s slides are featured on a blog on Getty images this month. To see more of these images, you can check out my Family History set on Flickr or purchase the book I made containing most of my favorites on Blurb:

I’m in Issue 12 of Impracabeza, an online Spanish arts and design journal, this month. If you appreciate art, like, at all, I seriously urge you to check out the work in this mag. It’s so absolutely mind-blowing that I’m pretty much convinced my work doesn’t deserve to be seen next to such complete amazingness. Please take ten minutes to view it and then report back here and let me know which artist was your favorite. (Clicking the image will take you straight to issue 12) Yes, I’m serious.