Mina just performed in her first ballet recital. We were so proud!
Read MoreMina Rumi
Bear Creek /
“Home isn't where you're from, it's where you find light when all grows dark.” ―Pierce Brown
Read MoreUnexpected Transition /
For as long as I can remember, to my very earliest memories and forever since, so often my first thought each morning after being jarred out of sleep by an unforgiving alarm was “Dear god, I’d rather be dead then ever have to get out of this bed again.” And ashamedly, it was not meant to be a humorous desire or a silly exaggeration. Sleep has always been my favorite part of every day, my reprieve.
Read MoreYou Are a Motherf*%$ing Force /
As of today, it’s been one whole entire huge tiny long quick gigantic short surreal transformative passionate trying wonderful exhausting year since I first got to look into your big eyes, baby
I am still gobsmacked by the strange magic of it all. Strange, shiny, messy, beautiful, incomprehensible magic.
Little Lists /
Things I love:
The way she dances to Queen
Her laugh, her big toothless grin
Giving kisses with her forehead
The Hannibal Lecter thing she does with her tongue
There is Only Light /
I am much more protective of my feelings on motherhood than anything else in life. I am still working on unraveling just why exactly. I suspect because they are not always overwhelmingly exuberant, which I feel mothers rarely see mirrored or represented outside the darkest recesses of our minds. We are inundated with nothing but the happy wonderfulness so there is a built-in shame in feeling anything but, perhaps.
Read MoreMoments of Doubt and Darkness /
Lately I’ve drowned in thoughts and anxieties that shout the words: why-is-this-so-fucking-hard & why-aren’t-I-stronger into my own echo chamber and then I remember something I read recently that really resonated: Sleep deprivation is an actual kind of torture. It is. and needlessly, I had surrendered to moments of doubt and darkness about the strength of my family and our resolve and our indestructibility as a unit but especially about mine and my husband’s status as a team. But only because I did not truly respect the intensity of the obstacles we’ve faced. And cleared.
Read MoreTeeny Meeny /
I have to resist sharing every damn day because my phone is FILLED with photos and videos of her.
Read MoreMina Rumi's Birth Story [Graphic] /
Mina Rumi Tillett O’Shaughnessy was due October 29th, 2018 but she was born just past 2 in the afternoon on October 10th, very nearly 3 weeks early. This is the story of her early arrival.
Read MoreEternities Exist Between Dawn and Dusk /
his sweet babe is 5 months old today. Time passes so quickly, I’m always left with the tragic relentless feeling that I’m not fully appreciating or as present for every precious moment as I should be. For her, the days are still long enduring intervals in which eternities exist between dawn and dusk. For me, it feels as if every morning I have awoken from a long coma and she seems so much older than the baby I put to sleep the night before. It’s one of the hardest parts of motherhood for me.
Read MoreEverything to Lose /
I haven’t felt the unease of discontent or is-this-where-I-belong inquisitions I had grown so accustomed to in previous chapters in enough time that I finally took notice. Suddenly the asphalt under my feet became air and I was floating. And then fear tore me from the clouds and returned me to the bitter earth.
Read MoreThey See Enormous Things /
I am so small I can barely be seen. How can this great love be inside me? Look at your eyes. They are small, but they see enormous things.
Read MoreLittle Chick /
The days are long but the weeks are short and the months turn to dust in the palms of my helpless hands.
This little chick is 7 weeks old today. And I am finally getting accustomed to this chaos.