Slapdash Public / by Rebecca Tillett

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No home to me And
a slapdash public
Succumbing to empty tomorrows
& apathetic values

So you said leave since
You’re staying
And stared at me in disdain.

Then you stopped loving me

And somehow ennui overtook
What was formerly pain,
Fear, and absolute agony.

I almost did and panic towered,
Spilling from every part of you
Almost a stench that
Never leaves your clothes.

So I stayed soaked in regret
Drowning really ‘cause you
Didn’t care.
This was all shit you
didn’t want to shovel and
should I have blamed you?

So leave, drink, have a good time
And do your best to forget
Me, here, “home”, alone
And willing to give up at this point.
Because really,
This isn’t home to me and
I’m not ready to join the masses.

(2004)