How often do you do something that absolutely terrifies you? I've done 2 such things in the last week. I believed in myself enough to go after something I never would have throughout past versions of me, something that scared me but something I knew with every beating fiber of my heart that I could do and was more than qualified to do. I'm much more confident now, more comfortable with who I am and what I'm capable of, more ready for challenges and opportunities to lead. Unfortunately I still naively believed we lived in a world in which skills, talent, drive, experience, support from peers, and initiative were valued enough to succeed. When I lost it because I'm apparently not enough of an ass-kisser to the "important people," I surprised myself again by standing up for myself in the face of fear, defending the values that matter while attacking such a broken system that favors brown-nosing enough to promote those that do so while leaving the rest of us in the dust.
And while I rattled off the list of reasons for why I shouldn't have been passed up for this opportunity, and why I'll never be an ass-kisser to those deemed more important than others, I felt strong, I felt justified, I felt redeemed.
It's true that I've grown a lot in the last couple years but in just the last week? I've fucking bloomed, my friends. And it feels incredible.