Distraction / by Rebecca Tillett

Since December I've been in a funk. A hole, a rut, a slump, a downslide. Gloom. The holidays are typically hard on me anyway for past personal reasons but I can't shake this feeling of absolute stagnation even now that they're gone. I feel like some time ago I stopped growing, like I'm no longer moving forward. It feels like I've been jogging on a treadmill. I'm perpetually drained of energy but I'm not getting anywhere. I don't think I mentioned it, but last semester I thought school was the answer to this feeling. It wasn't and ultimately, I was mostly disappointed in the experience. And my reaction to the experience. It could have been the classes, I'm not sure. It could be that unless at least 8 more hours are added to each day it'll never work for me because I value my free time so very much. So much that I'd rush through assignments just to get them done, not savoring new knowledge or taking my time to linger, to let it all soak in. And because school and work left me less free time than I was used to I spent absolutely zero time on personal art and projects. And that's the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen. I had hoped that it would inspire me to create. It didn't. In fact, the night before one of my finals I went out drinking with a friend and got so trashed I spent that night and the next morning vomiting. I barely made it to my final and managed to ace it anyway. And then was glad to be done.

So I think because I spent all of those months just looking forward to free-time and empty moments, I'm now hungry to create despite the dumps I'm down in. I'm also angry and short-tempered much of the time. Never in a million years would I think I could experience these feelings simultaneously but I am. And I'm still not quite sure what to make of it. I've shot and edited more images in the last few weeks than I have in the entire last half of 2011. It's definitely a good feeling. Hopefully I'll have enough of them to cancel out the bad ones soon.

The image above is one in a new series I'm calling Distraction. The model is one of my beautiful go-tos here in Springs and the location is an empty house across the street. It belongs to my neighbor who's been trying to fix it up after his last renters moved out. They basically trashed the place and he's put in a lot of work to bring it back to good. He was nice enough to let me use it for a little while last weekend. Good locations are so hard to come by, when the opportunity presented itself I couldn't not take it. Please if you're aware of any good locations in the Pueblo, Colorado Springs, Denver area (appropriate for nudity, preferably empty or with a vintage feel) email me: rebeccatillett[at]gmail.com. There may even be some prints in it for anyone who suggests or provides a location that works out. I'd definitely appreciate it. So what do you think of Distraction? I'm thrilled by it.