Things keep getting better and then quickly fall back to worse. He still doesn't know what to make of these feelings he's having. But for now and indefinitely he'll keep pushing them into the pit of his stomach. And hope that they pass soon. Because he wants to be with me; happy with me.
But yesterday was bad. He got so drunk at her house Saturday night that he stayed the night over there. "And fell asleep on her bed watching a movie." And when he came home yesterday morning I started crying. I told him I didn't want to see him, to please leave. I told him I keep feeling him pushing me away. He swears that's not true. I offered to leave his life for a while..to give him time to figure himself out. I told him I'd wait for him..because that's how much I love him. He said he didn't want that.
We spent the day together...and now we're back to a peak. But the next valley could be right around the corner. I just don't know anything at this point.
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It's just so so hard watching the person you love most in the world fall apart. And though I'm no stranger to dealing with depression (first and second hand) it never gets any easier; just more familiar.
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He may be the hurricane but it's me that's breaking, crumbling, falling apart in his wake.
I'm going to be there until the very end though, I've decided. And I refuse to leave, under any circumstances, unless he asks me to. Because he needs me, we need each other. Honestly, neither of us can picture a life without the other. There IS no life without the other. I'm certain it's unhealthy how needy each of one another we really are. But that's always been a common theme in my life: emotional instability. We're all human after all and what's life without love? At all costs. It's always worth it.