This Virgin War / by Rebecca Tillett

Because I need you smiling
& crying & dying on the inside & vying
& craving & paining & screaming
me, beaming & gleaming
because baby, I’m numb & sedated
if I’m not dreaming.

Because baby, you told me you loved me
& baby, I believed every word
but why wouldn’t I; it wasn’t absurd.
Every human ear had heard.

Because ears have legs
& scatter like plagues.

& honey I love being a rumor
inhaling humor, little girl late bloomer –
if it means I get to see you sooner
on my knees, me a swooner.

Because baby, you’re God in my eyes
& I don’t mind your hands on my thighs
& when you’re in me, a piece of me dies.
I don’t expect redemption,
honey, when I meet my demise.

Because baby, you’re a false God
& even I can pervade that facade
I can see that you love me
& baby, that’s where you’re flawed.

Everybody’s allowed a sin
& baby, you too can be forgiven.

Because you’re much too rich to ignore
& baby, you have me begging on the floor –
down & out & dirty like yesterday’s whore
like the featured player in this virgin war.

& baby, I can’t help but come back for more.
& I know I’m not the only one keeping score.

& I know I’m not the only one –
wondering just what this is for.