And inescapably, the sadness returned to the pit of my heart and the emptiness lingered in the pit of my stomach and because I didn’t know how to relinquish such feeling, they became something I learned to live with, like chronic pain you’ve heard there is no treatment for. I had completely forgotten who I was and my early beginnings at forming a relationship with my soul, with nature and with the possibility of God.
Read Morejournal and writing
How, Then, Shall We Live? /
"Clearly our wounds need our attention. But when we concentrate exclusively upon our hurt, we learn to see the brokenness, losses, or injuries we have been given as the most important things in our lives. We cultivate an attention to these wounds in such a way that, over time, they come to occupy the most important place in our heart. Our wound lives in the center of our thoughts. In this way, we actually come to love our suffering." —Wayne Muller
Read More365//365 /
At 2013’s end, like a raging forest fire I burned everything in my life down and started over in 2014 as something new. I spent this year fostering new growth, and becoming reacquainted with myself. And it’s been one beautifully eye-opening experience.
Read More360//365 /
A friend once told me "Denver has no soul." Until then, I hadn't been able to articulate exactly why I didn't take to the city and ever since and in every comparably sized city I visit, I find myself searching for its soul, its unmistakeable aura and personality like the feeling you get when meeting a stranger for the first time, that primal sense based only on feeling and emotion and in almost every one, it is unquestioningly undeniable.
Read More351//365 /
Could I say it's been 16 years and I hardly think of you anymore? Could I say I've forgotten so many of the sad details of your life that helped to paint my own in such vividly dark colors? Could I say I've forgiven you for robbing me of a life without a father, the opportunity to open my heart to you and spill 16 years of pain, now doubled, the sudden way you changed and redefined my life, or the way you didn't say goodbye?
Read MoreInnermost /
So what now? As I was shooting this intimate set last weekend and scrunching my face up in disapproval at each glance of every image, I thought to myself "Maybe this is it for my self-portrait work. Maybe it was a good run but I'm getting old and less thrilled at my appearance and maybe it's time to retire as my own model." And now especially, with a lack of a good spot for photos, the incentive to give this side of my work a break is quite high.
Read More332//365 /
What can you tell me now that you couldn’t one year ago? Could you tell me how your reflection in the mirror has changed with such fervent subtlety that you hardly recognize the person you once were? Could you describe to me the palpable feeling of the shattering of such long-held presumptions of yourself? Could you tell me how fucking beautiful the silencing of such familiar doubts in your head can be? Could you tell me how your smile is an accessory you rarely leave home without?
Read MoreBrandice, Joel and Ethan /
It's probably obvious, based on my usual subject matter, that family photography is not my forte. I sometimes make exceptions for those I've shot previously or anyone close to me in my life but even then, I tend to have a "Thanks for asking but that's not my specialty" ready to go in my arsenal of responses to the "Won't you take pictures of my family?" question, just in case.
Read MoreFall in Love Twice /
"I realized recently, that I've been steadily re-falling in love with him over the last six months that he's been here. That's a weird feeling: thinking you know and love someone so unconditionally and wholly but realizing there's so much more to this person that you couldn't possibly fall in love with before he was able to stand half a foot in front of you and put his arms around you while whispering "God, you're beautiful and shit, do I love you so much." I've been fortunate enough to fall in love with him twice. Did you know that was possible? I sure as shit didn't. It's an unearthly and dreamlike experience."
Read MoreNew York City /
It was 2010 and I had traveled to New York City, just to see it, for the very first time in my life. It was endless and overwhelming in its sheer enormity. I remember wondering how the land hadn’t sunk straight into the ocean from the weight of all the unevenly placed buildings and frenzied people scurrying in and out of them, oblivious to their doomed and drowning fates.
Read More319//365 /
You would be 54 today, Dad. And I can hardly fathom it. Sometimes, it feels like the only language I know is time and we commune in years. I can still remember when we'd speak in days and hours and minutes, but it's been a while now, for both of us.
Read MoreThrowing Your Entire Body /
"Never be the grown woman without direction. Never be the person with no goals or aspirations. Never float aimlessly through life. If you don’t have the answers, pretend to have the answers. And if you don’t know what inspires you, pretend everything inspires you. But that’s difficult, isn’t it? If you’ve never been inspired, how would you know how to feign it? It’s like attempting, in vain, to speak a language you’ve never learned. It’s like making love with your clothes on or swimming in the ocean with a life-jacket. Until you’ve ever really experienced passion and knowing the feeling of loving something so much more than yourself, throwing your entire body into it without discretion is an impossible task."
Read More309//365 /
It's rare that a day goes by that I'm not reminded of my hearing loss. There are so many things said to me or around me that I miss. I constantly feel like I'm on the outside of inside jokes or simply a quiet observer to a world I don't completely understand.
Read MoreKult /
Fame and I are generally strangers that have bumped into each other at an occasional party or two, an abandoned Georgia gas station, a nightclub, a backyard barbecue. She's exceedingly beautiful and people seem to be drawn to her like flies to honey but I have no desire for a closer relationship with her.
Read More305//365 /
Do you remember the first time I told you I loved you, sweetpea? I meant every word of that sentence. I meant it with every force within me that propels me forward. I meant it with the self same honesty and intention I feel when I hold your jaw in the palm of my hand, when I get my fingers tangled in yours and when I touch my lips to your earlobe.
Read More301//365 /
It devours me until my heart aches in longing and grief. You were like a mesa too vertical to climb. You were the smell of desert rain I couldn't inhale enough of, elusive and solemn and captivating in your intangibility.
Read MoreDown the Barrel of 32 /
“And now ten years hence and peering down the barrel of 32 I’m almost at ease with my age. I’m never fully content with it but I think I’ve grown wise enough to know time marches forward no matter what.”
Ice Cream /
You probably don't remember tasting ice cream for the first time. You were too young. You were too spoiled with experience but you're far from providential if you never know what it is to lack, to be without; if you can't recall your world without ice cream.
Read More290//365 /
As we were driving through the city a few nights ago I said "I feel lonely in this city. It's cold and unwelcoming and I don't have any ties or connections here." And it's true, I feel displaced in Denver, a fact I keep hoping will change in time.
Read More286//365 /
This chick is so fun to work with especially when I'm saying things like "Dammit, Angela, you can't do anything right!" and "I don't wanna see your face in these pictures again! You're ruining everything!"
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