River of Spirituality by Rebecca Tillett

I was sixteen and my father had put a bullet in his head, in the dead of night, in the home that he and I shared with my mother, equally melancholy but impenetrable, like petrified wood. My river would diminish to almost nothing at this point, slowly trickling through the ragged terrain threatening to surrender to the ceaseless drought before ebbing and vanishing entirely. And it did, although the gash my river had carved in the land remained quietly and patiently, for the water to return and the seeds of the surrounding vegetation slept knowingly, of the wisdom and spirituality I would eventually begin to perceive in my life. For years, torrential rains would eventually quench my land’s thirst for water and a trickle would turn into a stream, and the stream would again gain enough water and momentum to be my guiding river once again, and yet, it was a beautiful piece of my landscape I often took for granted. I knew it was there, but I stopped sitting on the banks, peering into the simulated glass at the river rocks sleeping softly and inconspicuously below.

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With the Possibility of God by Rebecca Tillett

And inescapably, the sadness returned to the pit of my heart and the emptiness lingered in the pit of my stomach and because I didn’t know how to relinquish such feeling, they became something I learned to live with, like chronic pain you’ve heard there is no treatment for. I had completely forgotten who I was and my early beginnings at forming a relationship with my soul, with nature and with the possibility of God.

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Persevere by Rebecca Tillett

I will persevere, when your skin cracks open beneath my fingers, when your bones become too brittle to hold you up, when light and dark are indecipherable, when ribbons of your blood weep to the floor threatening to drown us both, I will laugh at the audacity, I will inflate my lungs in defiance and I will hold on, I will persevere.

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How, Then, Shall We Live? by Rebecca Tillett

"Clearly our wounds need our attention. But when we concentrate exclusively upon our hurt, we learn to see the brokenness, losses, or injuries we have been given as the most important things in our lives. We cultivate an attention to these wounds in such a way that, over time, they come to occupy the most important place in our heart. Our wound lives in the center of our thoughts. In this way, we actually come to love our suffering." —Wayne Muller

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Her Hands Will Embrace Your Throbbing Throat by Rebecca Tillett

Her smile will level you
Quite like her big green eyes
Nestled unassumingly behind
Her fluttering lids
But her hands will embrace
Your throbbing throat and squeeze
Until your lips turn blue
And your memories of her
Dissolve into the blinding stench
f dreams unrealized.

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360//365 by Rebecca Tillett

A friend once told me "Denver has no soul." Until then, I hadn't been able to articulate exactly why I didn't take to the city and ever since and in every comparably sized city I visit, I find myself searching for its soul, its unmistakeable aura and personality like the feeling you get when meeting a stranger for the first time, that primal sense based only on feeling and emotion and in almost every one, it is unquestioningly undeniable.

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351//365 by Rebecca Tillett

Could I say it's been 16 years and I hardly think of you anymore? Could I say I've forgotten so many of the sad details of your life that helped to paint my own in such vividly dark colors? Could I say I've forgiven you for robbing me of a life without a father, the opportunity to open my heart to you and spill 16 years of pain, now doubled, the sudden way you changed and redefined my life, or the way you didn't say goodbye?

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347//365 by Rebecca Tillett

My fingers follow the roads and highways of your back,
reading it like a map
Every mole and freckle, a rest stop
On my way to the scenic bridge of your neck,
An overpass with breathtaking views
Breaking there to get my bearings
To will the flashing of my life
Before my fingers’ eyes Jump, jump, fly
and I find them alive on the rugged trail of your jawline
tip-toeing through rough terrain
The land moves easily here
And my fingers sway in alliance
As they travel north and linger
On the rim of the hollow of your eye
The universe

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Innermost by Rebecca Tillett

So what now? As I was shooting this intimate set last weekend and scrunching my face up in disapproval at each glance of every image, I thought to myself "Maybe this is it for my self-portrait work. Maybe it was a good run but I'm getting old and less thrilled at my appearance and maybe it's time to retire as my own model." And now especially, with a lack of a good spot for photos, the incentive to give this side of my work a break is quite high.

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332//365 by Rebecca Tillett

What can you tell me now that you couldn’t one year ago? Could you tell me how your reflection in the mirror has changed with such fervent subtlety that you hardly recognize the person you once were? Could you describe to me the palpable feeling of the shattering of such long-held presumptions of yourself? Could you tell me how fucking beautiful the silencing of such familiar doubts in your head can be? Could you tell me how your smile is an accessory you rarely leave home without?

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Brandice, Joel and Ethan by Rebecca Tillett

It's probably obvious, based on my usual subject matter, that family photography is not my forte. I sometimes make exceptions for those I've shot previously or anyone close to me in my life but even then, I tend to have a "Thanks for asking but that's not my specialty" ready to go in my arsenal of responses to the "Won't you take pictures of my family?" question, just in case.

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