It could be louder,
Circumspect but calm –
for the boys over there
& something small for you
Take your shoes off,
unwind some more
edgy’s never pretty. They can’t have that,
hanging on the railing –
walking barefoot
something to calm you down
No One Knew /
No one knew the brand new you.
No one knew you’d changed.
No one saw you in the spotlight –
Trembling on the mainstage.
No one knew your unique design.
No one knew your will.
No one knew you grew a spine.
No one knew you still.
Contrary Winds /
“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” —Peter Marshall
Read MoreCarnival /
can’t really exhaust but
something never heeds.
and he’s almost gone again –
no one would notice.
I’m going to the carnival
Garden of Eden /
Garden of Eden - pale, empty, dead
Nothing this human carcass left unsaid
Rope, tree, rabid Impulsivity
“She don’t love me, you don’t love me”
o he hung himself instead
Senile, Female /
Always the victim, helpless, senile, female
Inhale, Inhale,
Exhale.
Loving, loving, hating you, life
Housewife, Housewife,
Lowlife.
(Where’s my nightlife?)
No One Suspected /
No one suspected
You were neglected,
You were infected,
You were rejected.
You, in your pretty black shoes,
you, in your flower girl tattoos.
No one suspected you
you, were abused.
Another Day /
Walk fast, take the stairs, elevators are uncomfortable
Papers with numbers, people you don’t know
People who don’t care about you
Sit down, wait, watch the clock, watch the clock
Another day, try not to regret getting out of bed
opting to take your chances out in the world instead
A Sad Child /
You’re sad because you’re sad.
It’s psychic. It’s the age. It’s chemical.
Go see a shrink or take a pill,
or hug your sadness like an eyeless doll
you need to sleep.
Well, all children are sad
but some get over it.
Count your blessings. Better than that,
buy a hat. Buy a coat or pet.
Take up dancing to forget.
He May Be the Hurricane /
He may be the hurricane but it's me that's breaking, crumbling, falling apart in his wake.
I'm going to be there until the very end though, I've decided. And I refuse to leave, under any circumstances, unless he asks me to. Because he needs me, we need each other. Honestly, neither of us can picture a life without the other. There IS no life without the other. I'm certain it's unhealthy how needy each of one another we really are. But that's always been a common theme in my life: emotional instability. We're all human after all and what's life without love? At all costs. It's always worth it.
Read MoreFilm de Sexe /
Witness eyelids falling, nails crumbling
Tears and sweat drenched sheets
Reaching to touch me, fumbling
(stumbling)
Stark silence, drum, rapid heartbeats
Smile for the camera, getting this on tape
Smile, even if it’s just pretend
Neglected babe, take a stab at escape
Mama found lothario, Daddy found his end
Cat Says He'll Be Here Tomorrow /
News says little girl was raped,
Cat says he’ll be here tomorrow.
Phone says “baby, come home.”
I knew we weren’t alone.
You yanked my legs open anyway,
pulled my panties to the side,
only noticing for a minute –
the contrast of pink to white.
Slapdash Public /
No home to me And
a slapdash public
Succumbing to empty tomorrows
& apathetic values
So you said leave since
You’re staying
And stared at me in disdain.
Then you stopped loving me
Read MoreGrass /
She smoked her cigarette as her eyes roamed the place;
almost undressing it and because she didn’t know the stories behind it invented her own.
She never liked anything but the minty ice cold flavor of menthol.
I never understood her and she liked it that way.
Yesterday /
Yesterday
can’t be more than 10 miles away.
Midday
passed faster than 90 on the freeway.
Someday
That’ll be me out there in your caddy in the driveway.
Today
I’ll float lightly to 1975 on dreams of Broadway.
& observe the shifting shelf of blue eyes in the doorway.
Read MoreMaybe Monday /
suppose we’re not moving at all
nothing’s changed since nightfall
It’s fun when it’s rarely done
and from here you seem so small
Infamous and child star
Destined for a memoir
(passenger on going so far)
Adele Arcadia /
It’s paradise. It’s milk and honey.
It’s dolllars and cents. It’s all just money.
It’s sex and lust. It’s all a must.
It’s always fashionable. It’s always sunny.
Darkness /
"How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light." —Barry Lopez
Read MoreTo Haunt Me /
While I’ve rested on a decision and today is the first day
in many that I’m starting to feel like myself again –
I realize I’ll be dealing with this long after it’s over.
I’ll be looking into seeing a counselor sometime in the
near future to help me come to terms with not only this
but with everything else in my life that continues to haunt me.
I absolutely must move on from these things.
As I have no more free hands for any extra emotional baggage.
Every Cell of Your Being /
Be careful.
If you stare too long the intense potency of the plastic innocent facade will permeate through every cell of your being.
and the world might appear beautiful and hopeful again.
After all – true beauty isn’t chaste.