"Sometimes I worry that I posses my mom's overwhelming power of denial.
Or wonder if I'm just, at my core, a subconscious optimist.
But I suppose I'm most worried that I'm just scared."
Read MoreShanna & Shiloh /
Last Wednesday I had a shoot with my friend and tattoo artist, Shanna Keyes.
t's something we've been talking about for a while since our last shoot was 2 or 3 years ago or so now. But it always seemed like our schedules wouldn't mesh or she just wanted to finish getting tattooed a bit more. Her ultimate goal is to be fully covered and she's heading towards it quickly!
Heartbreaking and Beautiful /
"Because it will be heartbreaking and beautiful and inspiring. Because we are amazing together. And because we are family. If anything right now, family is what I need the most." —Cassie Dixon
Read MoreOmaha, NE /
Earlier this week, I traveled to Omaha to watch my youngest cousin, Rachel compete in the Olympic Swimming Trials. I was planning to be there about 3 days or so to watch her swim and then spend a little time with my family as well as a friend who would coincidentally be there at the very same time for work. Unfortunately, the Waldo Canyon Fire here in Colorado Springs cut my trip short and I got an earlier flight home in case my neighborhood (which was only mere miles from the fire) was to be evacuated. Fortunately, that didn't happen but I'm completely bummed my time with friends and family was cut short. It's not often we all get to see each other. Rachel didn't qualify in her race on Tuesday but she has another shot on Sunday so please help me in sending positive thoughts her way!
Read Moreoh!pic /
My good friend Britt and I have combined for the perfect side biz! She offers hair and makeup and I, of course, my photography. What you see above is an example of our work. We're completely thrilled and I imagine this will only lead to bigger and better things! So please keep us in mind should you find yourself in the Colorado Springs area and need amazing portraits done.
Read MoreSomething /
This morning was the first of the last 4 that I woke up withOUT a throbbing headache. Saturday-Monday morning I woke up around 5am all three days stumbling through the house looking for pain reliever because my head was hurting so bad and I just wanted to go back to sleep. Anymore, I feel like my primary objective in life is simply to avoid the inevitable pain at all costs. That's a basic summary of my life these days...inevitable pain.
Read MoreSo Damn Still /
"I think I'm stewing in negativity these days. I'm floundering. I'm aimless. I'm restless. I'm so damn still. I'm hopeless. I'm just looking for something."
Read MoreRag Doll /
It's always both exciting and nerve-wracking when shooting a brand-new model. Exciting because it's new and fresh and inspiring. Nerve-wracking because expectations are all over the place. Not only is Edie a new model to me, but she's also a new model having never really modeled before. Edie Adelstein is the Arts Editor (and quite an amazing writer) at the alt-weekly I currently work for as a graphic designer and it only just recently came to my attention (despite us having worked together for several years now) that she was interested in modeling for me. And boy am I grateful that it did. Not only is she beautiful but she's a rare natural and seems completely at ease in front of the camera. I absolutely can't wait to shoot more of her in the future!
Read MoreRight Where I Belong /
I've become so afraid and guarded that I rarely allow anyone else to take pictures of me. When I get in front of my own camera, I'm fully aware of what angles and views are off limits. I also always make stupid faces because, for some reason, I can look at those without wanting to gag. I'm under the assumption that I'm less ugly when I make stupid faces. Whether this is true or not, I'm unsure. I'm also still unsure if I'm delusional when I look in the mirror and sometimes like what I see or if I'm just completely and unfortunately totally unphotogenic. I'd of course hope for the latter over the former. Either way, as most women do, there are a million things I wish I could change about myself but can't...especially as I get older.
Read MoreThe Pale Blue Dot /
I'm not sure why I'm posting it here. Something about it resonated with me. I feel such sadness over it. I'm reminded of my dad, of Adam. Either of them could have written this comment. Though I'm mostly thankful for it, I sometimes resent that I've spent my entire life surrounded by people who can't take their eyes off the bigger picture, even just long enough to appreciate the smaller one - just for a moment.
Read MoreImages thru the iPhone /
was recently invited into an art show this April by Chas Ray Krider at his Gallery - The invisible Gallery in Columbus, Ohio and in addition to us, Steve Diet Goedde, Aaron Hawks, and Collin J Rae will be exhibiting as well. All these men are powerhouses in the nude/erotic photography realm. I've looked up to them for years and am so very flattered to be participating in a show with them. The show is called Images thru the iPhone and is only to include pictures that have been either shot or edited (or both!) with an iPhone app.
Read MorePepper and Family /
All too often I see babies being born to people who have no business raising children. Unfortunately, I think the majority of my generation (and all those younger) come from unstable and/or broken homes. It was sometime during my growing-up years that "dysfunctional" finally surpassed "functional" as the family norm. Now that the products of those rocky situations are producing their own offspring, the dysfunctional family trend is showing no signs of slowing down which, to me, is altogether heartbreaking.
The Hawkins family is the rare exception to this rule.
Read MoreOnly From the Grave /
Anybody who really knows me knows my growing-up years were a bit tumultuous. My dad was a troubled alcoholic battling some pretty horrific demons. I was a painfully shy only child who morphed into a painfully shy, self-destructive and severely depressed teenager. I remember writing in my journal around the age of 15 that I absolutely would not make it past the age of 19. I'd planned to end it as soon as I found the courage because if what I'd experienced thus far was "life" why bother living much longer? It was all so terribly sad - how unhappy I was growing up and how little desire I had to be happy. In my defense, I think I just didn't know how.
Read MorePampered Kids /
"I think to some extent all men in our society are allowed to be pampered kids a lot longer than women. They get to throw temper tantrums and go from the bosom of their mother to the bosom of their wife." —Tamara Linse
Read MoreA Good Person in the World /
The world must’ve seemed such a hostile place. It’s no wonder he could barely contain his rage and he tried all the ways he knew how to escape. Gosh, it’s amazing he held it together as much as he did. Yet you see him in photos and he was such a handsome vibrant person. My mom said that he had such potential, creative and artistic and otherwise. I remember him as having such a sense of humor, such a wry wit.
But what it all did to you.
Read MoreGlamorous and Romantic People /
I remember when your dad and mom came up. I was fairly young. Oh, I thought they were the most glamorous and romantic people! Of course I knew Clay a little growing up (more on that later) but your mom. Wow. I thought she was the most gorgeous person! She had the most beautiful black/dark brown hair, and one time she got it highlighted with blue! I found that fabulous and shocking. And her accent – with a slight lisp, if I remember right. Even then I felt sorry for them, though, because Clay had never fit at the ranch and here he was with his new bride.
Read MoreSomething Big is Coming /
I'm currently working on a new project that I'm mega-excited to share with you all! I'll refrain from divulging everything about it at this moment but the above images should give you a major clue.
Read MoreBeginnings /
I spent a good chunk of today scanning 8+ year old prints for my Beginnings set on Flickr. I shot all of these with my very first Canon SLR. I'd started this more than a year ago and never finished and today was as good of a time as any! My friend Amanda is in 95% of them and though some of them I still consider quite good, there are some that are a bit funny or definitely amateurish - like the one below. Take note of my own feet in the bottom left of the frame.
Read MoreC.S. Truckin /
Back in the days of Hendrix, Iron Butterfly, Steppenwolf, Black Sabbath, Grand Funk, Yes, and Led Zeppelin, these guys were kids who were writing their own music. Although they were young, these boys were contemporaries with the big bands of the 70s and 80s. C.S. Truckin opened shows for Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow (Deep Purple), REO Speedwagon, Quicksilver Messenger Service, Brian Auger and The Buddy Miles Band (Jimi Hendrix).
Read MoreMoon (this is where I am these days) /
"The Moon is a white strange world, great, white, soft-seeming globe in the night sky, and what she actually communicates to me across space I shall never fully know. But the Moon that pulls the tides, and the Moon that controls the menstrual periods of women, and the Moon that touches the lunatics, she is not the mere dead lump of the astronomist. . . . When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness." —D.H. Lawrence
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