I am much more protective of my feelings on motherhood than anything else in life. I am still working on unraveling just why exactly. I suspect because they are not always overwhelmingly exuberant, which I feel mothers rarely see mirrored or represented outside the darkest recesses of our minds. We are inundated with nothing but the happy wonderfulness so there is a built-in shame in feeling anything but, perhaps.Read More
Lately I’ve drowned in thoughts and anxieties that shout the words: why-is-this-so-fucking-hard & why-aren’t-I-stronger into my own echo chamber and then I remember something I read recently that really resonated: Sleep deprivation is an actual kind of torture. It is. and needlessly, I had surrendered to moments of doubt and darkness about the strength of my family and our resolve and our indestructibility as a unit but especially about mine and my husband’s status as a team. But only because I did not truly respect the intensity of the obstacles we’ve faced. And cleared.Read More
I have to resist sharing every damn day because my phone is FILLED with photos and videos of her.Read More
Mina Rumi Tillett O’Shaughnessy was due October 29th, 2018 but she was born just past 2 in the afternoon on October 10th, very nearly 3 weeks early. This is the story of her early arrival.Read More
his sweet babe is 5 months old today. Time passes so quickly, I’m always left with the tragic relentless feeling that I’m not fully appreciating or as present for every precious moment as I should be. For her, the days are still long enduring intervals in which eternities exist between dawn and dusk. For me, it feels as if every morning I have awoken from a long coma and she seems so much older than the baby I put to sleep the night before. It’s one of the hardest parts of motherhood for me.Read More
I haven’t felt the unease of discontent or is-this-where-I-belong inquisitions I had grown so accustomed to in previous chapters in enough time that I finally took notice. Suddenly the asphalt under my feet became air and I was floating. And then fear tore me from the clouds and returned me to the bitter earth.Read More
I am so small I can barely be seen. How can this great love be inside me? Look at your eyes. They are small, but they see enormous things.Read More
The days are long but the weeks are short and the months turn to dust in the palms of my helpless hands.
This little chick is 7 weeks old today. And I am finally getting accustomed to this chaos.