Fluffer / May 25, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

"We spoke with the youngest photographer selected by Taschen for the New Erotic Photography: Rebecca Tillett. American, little more than thirty years old and working with Mondo Bizzarro Gallery in conjunction with Fluffer Magazine. Her pictures are original, surreal, erotic, exotic."

134//365 / May 15, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

I wish I could just come home and make everything alright for you. I wish I wouldn't regret not taking a chance and wonder for years ahead if I did that. I wish we were better for each other. I wish this journey I've taken to get some questions answered for myself wasn't hurting you so deeply in the process. I wish I'd realized how much you loved me when we were together. I wished I'd felt it.

127//365 / May 9, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

Sometimes you have to follow your stupid fucking heart even when it feels like it's dragging you through the mud, through the darkest depths of Hell with no promise of emerging, when it completely betrays you and everything you've ever known or believed to be true about your life now and in the days to come.

A Chance I'm At Peace with Taking / May 4, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

"I have to see this through. I'm following my heart on this and it may blow up in my face in the end but it's a chance I'm at peace with taking."

Intricacies and Nuances / May 3, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

"I fear there will be so many little intricacies and nuances of my life that are forever lost to a forgetful past because I haven't made the time to write them down.

98//365 / April 9, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

Everything dead is reborn and the transition is startling. Instantly stagnant blood is coursing through me, my heart is beating with purpose and my entire body feels like a sponge.

92//365 / April 2, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

I have so many funny and heartwarming stories about this cat. He made all 5 apartments and houses he shared with us over the last 12 years a home and I'm completely devastated by this news.

70//365 / March 11, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

The unsurprising consequences of my recent huge life decisions collided with me this weekend and the haunting emotion that accompanied the encounter first drained me of self-assurance then filled me with fear and doubt. And sadness. I'm a fairly smart woman but sometimes I can't predict how these things will affect me until they do. And then I drown in it because I never anticipated swimming.

50//365 / February 19, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

Sometimes I wake and still have trouble remembering where I am. Sometimes the darkness is both liberating and suffocating. Sometimes I can still hear the melancholy notes of High Hopes partnered with the lingering aroma of pot and Camel cigarettes seeping through the crack underneath my bedroom door.

Strange / January 30, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

"This is so strange, we're so strange...whatever it is that he and I are trying to do here.
ot lose each other, I guess."

30//365 / January 30, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

Sometimes there are signs or glimpses of warmer weather to come. This morning felt almost like Spring. By the time I walked out of my office at 6:30 it was dark and cold and blowing snow. Sometimes my bones absolutely ache in their yearning for warmth, for the warm sun on my skin.

Nonsensical Jibberish / January 28, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

We've been talking so much, in fact, I told him I didn't, in fact, feel the aloneness I should really be feeling.

22//365 / January 22, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

How much of your brief little life do you live in fear? In anger? In sadness? How often do you say "I love you" ? How often are you paying attention? Staying informed? Standing up for something? How many injustices have you witnessed today alone? Did you feel more apathy than rage? What's your plan to rectify that? When exactly do you plan to start giving a shit? How often do you wake up in the morning and think "I just can't do it" ?

Internal Discourse / January 11, 2014 by Rebecca Tillett

Try not to let the world get in your way. You were never part of it. You never wanted to be a part of it. Do what you want, do what you need to. What do you need? Breathe. Remember you're never alone. You're completely alone. You're completely alone. You're not soft. You're unappealing. You know you've never really fit in anywhere or with anyone. You're alone. You're lonely. You're fat. Smile more. Breathe.

But I'm Here Now / December 13, 2013 by Rebecca Tillett

For the past year or two I've questioned much in my life; my work, my art, my motivation, but ultimately and unnervingly my biggest question has been about my marriage. Fourteen years ago I met my husband online, fell in love with him and before I was even a senior in high school, we moved out of our parents' places and into our first apartment. We confronted life's challenges and assumed very adult roles while we were still very much children.

Through the Head, Not the Chest / November 20, 2013 by Rebecca Tillett

Two nights ago I found out my dad shot himself through the head, not the chest. I can see why most people might wonder why such a thing matters. Dead is dead. But it does. For the last almost-15 years, I've been dealing with a tragedy based on facts that were actually WRONG. And I have no, no idea how I even got said facts. Did someone tell me that? Did I make that assumption when I was being pushed out of my own house and barely got a glance of him? Did I overhear it? Did I create some fantasy of what happened in my head, not really knowing?

Notions / November 4, 2013 by Rebecca Tillett

"Sometimes the sadness creeps in and I spend time comforting him and hugging and holding him, telling him not to be sad and that everything will be okay. Sometimes my life feels so surreal I feel like I'm floating outside my body watching me moving effortlessly through the motions. I keep drifting back to preconceived notions in my head of what two people who have spent the last 14 years of their lives together who are going through the first steps of separating should look like. And no part of my life resembles or mirrors those notions."

Nothing Good Gets Away / November 4, 2013 by Rebecca Tillett

It's startling and even profoundly jarring how suddenly feelings of such fear and crushing defeat can sneak up on me; how small and alone I can feel in this painfully short and so quickly passing lifetime.

Sometimes life is nothing but a blur. Sometimes I think I'm predisposed to my father's eventual hopeless and fundamentally relenting inclination.

(Or worse even, my mother's living fear of being simply alone with herself.)

Today I Now Have Two / October 12, 2013 by Rebecca Tillett

"It's said that you can not control the depth of a wound another soul inflicts upon you. But you can certainly control the depth of the wound you inflict on someone else. Since the age of 16 I've only had one regret: that I didn't tell my father goodnight and ignored him the night he shot himself. Starting today I now have two.

That I've so deeply hurt the one person I've loved the most in this world."

Brutal and Full of Emotion / October 11, 2013 by Rebecca Tillett

"But things between us are too hard. Sometimes it's nice and weird and feels like everything's normal. Sometime's it's brutal and full of emotion and doubt, and sadness and 'What's wrong with me's' and 'Why won't you just stay's.'"